In comparison to....

What happens when we compare ourselves to others? I compared myself most of my life to other people and 99% of the time I felt that they were doing much better then me. They looked better, were taller, had more money, had more success and drove a bigger car. But is there even a way to compare us to somebody else? And what do we compare? And why do we do it to begin with?

I compared myself to others because I felt insecure. I originally started the process to see that other people are less good then me, to be able to feel better. But when I did it I was always looking at people who to me were better and more successful then me. In photography I would look at the masters like an Irving Penn or Richard Avedon. I always would find some male top model or male actor who I felt looks so much better then me. I compared myself with the best and felt always less. But what did I base my judgments about myself on? On my conditioning, on money success and fame. It was never about being deep, being in shape or being a good person. When I was growing up I was taught what was important in life. It was important to make a lot of money and to be very successful at what you do. Then people would look up to you, admire you love you.

But how can we compare ourselves to somebody else if we all come here with a special gift that we want to share with the world. Does the world need another Irving Penn or Richard Avedon? Granted they were masters of their craft but they do or did what they have or had to do. I have to do what I have to do. It makes no sense to compare because there is a reason why we are all different. It is just another trick from our illusionary self, our egos to keep us in check, to make us feel that we cannot live without them. I believed to be so much less then those people but if I would follow my ego it would help me to get to the same level or even surpass them. If you feel better then others it is the same. You will feel that you need your ego to stay on top.

Another question is what do we compare? There is so much to a person. We might only see one part that is very good or very bad. Do we know if there is happiness in his or her life? Do we see things this person is struggling with? How much of what we see is true and how much do we project onto them?

I worked as a freelance photo assistant for the first few years after I came to New York City. At the end of 1998 I was hired by Peter Arnell’s production company to assist him on a Tommy Hilfiger campaign. I was the third or fourth assistant on this huge job. The location was recording studio and there were about 50 people on the set including Tommy Hilfiger. We shot this young beautiful singer, a very sweet girl. At a certain point somebody came into the studio and told her that her single just hit number one on the American single charts. People on set were applauding and she was very happy. I was very impressed by that. She was about 10 years younger then me, being on top of the world making all that money and becoming famous. I was breaking my back schlepping heavy equipment all day for very little money. On a shoot like that there is so much to do. I did not even have time to find out her name. When we were wrapping I asked one of the other assistants but he had no idea either. We kept on asking until somebody said, “ I think her name is Britney Spears or something like that.”

That is a great example that comparing does not make any sense. Yes she has so much more success and makes so much more money then I do. But what has all that done to the sweet girl I met 10 years ago? Did it buy her happiness? Did it bring her freedom?

And what do we do when we compare ourselves to others? We close the door to being unique and do not accept who we are. It makes us feel inferior or superior.

But does inferiority or superiority exist? Only to the imagined self. In reality we are all equal but express ourselves in different ways. There is a reason why I am who I am. There is a reason why you are who you are. There is no need to compare, no need to judge.

 

 

 

 

"Closed". Williamsburg/Brooklyn 02-03-08 at 02:53 PM.

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Please check out my website at carstenfleck.com

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