Perfection (Part 1)
The annoying thing about life is that it seems to never be perfect. There is always something wrong with everything we experience, own or are in relationship with. There is no perfect camera, girl, apartment, photograph, cell phone, computer screen or career. Not even I myself am perfect. I will never be a perfect yoga master, kung fu master or even be able to shoot the perfect image.
But what is perfection? Perfection is an idea, a projection of our mind onto an already imagined world. But do we really know what perfection is? Maybe the world with all its flaws, the wars, the suffering, the oppression, the mistreatments, the repression and violence is perfect as it is. Maybe it all happens out of a reason.
Maybe it occurs to show us that it is time to change, to let go of the old and to open up to the new. If we do not change we get reminded again and again with increasing intensity. If we change our ride will get much smoother and we will experience much more joy.
Absolute perfection is not of this world and at the same time the world is perfect. It is perfect because it guides us towards perfection even though we will never be able to reach it.
Let’s be honest, what is so exciting about perfection? We strive for it but it has also a downside. It is tremendously boring. Imperfection is very exciting. Who really wants the perfect partner? Let’s say there is this guy who is perfect. He is nice, good-looking, rich, intelligent and always well dressed. But where is the imperfection, where is the excitement, where is the danger? I guarantee you that he would not do that well with girls. Imperfection is very sexy.
It is the same with photography. Since we have the ability to photoshop images we have seen more and more of them in magazines and advertisements that have been photoshopt to perfection. At the same time there is no life in these images. They are perfect but it is almost impossible to connect with them emotionally because human beings do not understand perfection since it does not exist in the world that surrounds us.
Why am I writing all of this? Because I spent another day being tremendously upset about my life and the world around me not being perfect. I work so hard to achieve perfection. And when I think I am close to it I try to control the situation, try to control my life to keep it perfect. But nothing is perfect to begin with.
I cannot control my life either. Especially when we live a full life we have no control over it. My father might be able to do so. He might make the perfect serial in the morning or experience the perfect dog walk since he does the same things on a daily basis. His life is small and controllable. There are no surprises. One day is like the next. There is nothing new, nothing to be afraid of or out of his control.
But I am not able to do that. My life is absolutely unpredictable. Things can change any minuet. There are so many things happening all the time. But do I accept that? Do I accept that I can’t control my life, that I will not reach perfection? No, I am still trying to do that, I still control and I still try to achieve perfection. That is what wears me out.
Where do I go from here? I finally let go and accept that I have been fighting with windmills all these years. I let go of the ideas I had about my life and the quest for the imagined perfection that never existed. Now I can relax and enjoy the ride.
"Perfection" Manhattan, New York City, Whole Foods at Union Square 04-02-08 at 08:11 PM
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