The Mind
As long as we live our lives controlled by our minds we are insane. I am a good example of this insanity. I overcame a lot of rules I created for myself. The daily yoga practice, no alcohol, no dairy products, not to go out and believe it or not but James Bond even had a no sex rule for quite some time. What have self-created rules to do with what I have been talking about in this blog? What do they have to do with listening to our inner voice; to listen to what feels good to us? They are the absolute opposite. They are a limitation and they cut us off from the river of life.
Well, I dropped all these rules and my mind got nervous. What is a mind good for if it is not making up rules? My mind was bored; this is why it came up with a new rule. The rule was, and I do have no idea how it came up with this one, to write a blog and post a picture every day this year for 366 days.
Of course we all have different minds since we are all programmed differently. Our parents, our culture and our upbringing influence our programming. Somebody else might come up with the same crazy ideas as I do but they have no problems breaking the rules. They do not care and do not feel bad for even a second. Why is it so hard for me? Why would I sometimes rather die in the process of trying then to stop to do what I set out to accomplish?
The two major programs that are running are “I am only worth what I have achieved” and the second one is, “You can only achieve something if you consistently work very hard on it”. About the first one: My mother taught me that people only want to be with me if I have achieved something in life. I remember this day, I must have been 14 or so and she said that she would pay tennis lessons for me. She said, “Carsten these lessons are very expensive but don’t forget that you can make a lot of money with playing tennis”. Everything was about money and success. It was never about enjoying something; it was always about how to make money with it. The second belief comes from my mother, my father and the German culture. It is the mind controlled emotionless machine approach combined with the idea that only absolute perfection will make it possible to accomplish anything.
Both beliefs are wrong. Am I worth something without money, without being successful? Absolutely! Will the world collapse and I never get anywhere if I am not 100% consistent? Absolutely not! But my mind sees it differently.
I dropped many ideas and beliefs but there still some I have a hard time to get rid off. These are two of them. Writing the blog I felt like I am achieving something. I have to admit it is one of the things so far in my life that I am most proud of. I am feeling I’m achieving something, I am getting somewhere, I am successful and here comes a moment of great honesty, I finally make my mother proud. That is especially funny since I have not talked to her in years. But my mind is programmed this way and it stays on course. Here comes the second belief. If I fail even for a day, if I am not perfect it will be the end of it. I will fail again, will never achieve anything in life and never make this woman in Germany that I don’t talk to anyway happy. Is that insane or what?
The worst part starts when we based on our minds judgment “fail”. I have this in control now after all the work I did but that was different in the past. Our mind, our inner judge is starting to beat us up and just does not stop. It is like running into chain punches in Wing Tsun kung fu. An attack is so fast and punches thrown so rapidly from all different angels that there is no room to escape. There is a word for this, “self hatred”.
But what is self-hatred then the voices of our disappointed parents in our heads? All these ideas how we should be, what we should do, that we should not make any mistakes and that we should finish things we started? But what did our parents know about life? What does anybody know about life? We have no idea where we come from and no idea where we go to, how can we know what this life is all about? We do not know anything. But hundreds of generations back somebody very unintelligent and arrogant came up with ideas that we still believe. The ideas are different for every single one of us but they make all of us suffer. It is time to let go of our ideas and beliefs; it is time to stop insanity.
"The Mind" Manhattan/New York City/City Wing Tsun kung fu/ Si Hing Mike Yahn 04-29-08 at 10:02 PM
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