Disappearing
I have written 250 posts so far this year. When I look back I wonder how I was able to put so much effort into writing this blog. Being inspired and following my inner voice what I had set out to do at the beginning of this year does not mean that there is no effort. It took and it takes a tremendous amount of work to keep this blog alive and yes Michael I still type with two fingers.
I have had a lot of help and assistance in growing spiritually. Through working on myself I had certain experiences. This blog is my way to share what I have learned with the rest of the world.
In post number one on the first of January 2008 I asked the question, “Do I think I have something meaningful to say?” and I gave myself the answer “Absolutely!”
At the end my audience has to decide if what I say is meaningful or not. But I obviously have something to say. I was able to write 250 blog posts and will keep on posting until the end of the year.
Writing this blog is not only giving back and offering what I have discovered to a larger audience. It also is helping me a lot. It is a great tool for self-discovery.
Putting my way of seeing things in writing and getting feedback on my posts has helped me tremendously. It has further changed the way I see the world and myself. It brought me to a point where I feel more and more that the person I believed to be is disappearing. What I mean with that is that I have been letting go of who I thought to be and entered a stage where it is hard to say who I am.
The to most people simple question, “Who am I” falls into an endless sea of emptiness inside myself without finding an answer. I have been letting go of the past a lot. Sometimes I don’t even remember what happened yesterday and my fear of the future is less and less apparent.
As I disappear as a person with a past and a future I am able to enjoy the only time that exists, the now.
There is a common fear of letting go. What if we leave behind where we came from and who we believe to be? Do we have a future in this case since the future can only be the projection of our past experiences and beliefs onto what lies ahead? And who are we without holding onto the story we believed to be?
Past and future will disappear at the same time. The person/ego we believed to be disappears. We are tuning from being somebody into being nobody.
But isn’t being nobody being perfect? :-)
"Disappearing" Williamsburg/Brooklyn/Grand Street and Catherine Street 10-18-08 at 06:17 PM
Please check out my website at carstenfleck.com