Trust it no matter what!

lifepersonalphotographyspiritualitythoughtsUncategorized

Jan 8

It took less the five minuets after I sat down at a Starbucks at Union Square for one guy of a group of street kids that seems to hang out there more and more often to asked me if he could borrow my phone for a moment because there is an emergency he has to take care of. The moment he asked me my inner voice was screaming “absolutely not”. The same second my mind kicked in tormenting me with an automated program. Aren’t we supposed to help others? What will I do with my 3000+ roll over minuets? Isn’t that a great opportunity to use the money I toss out of the window for all this talk time that I never use to help the less fortunate? I would have felt guilty saying no. I gave him the phone but my stomach was cramping up. He uses a phone card to make the call and then talks to whoever is on the other line about getting him the “stuff” he really wanted. To me the whole conversation had “illegal” written all over it. I turned around and told him that I do not feel good about giving him the phone any more and asked him to give it back to me what he did. After this experience I was very upset with myself. Again did I not listen to my inner voice, I listened to my head, to my ideas, to what I think I am supposed to do. I lived most of my life that way. I was always doing what other people expected from me, what I was trained to do, what was politically correct. My inner voice was kicking and screaming but I would always do what I was trained to do. Be nice, don’t piss anybody off, and make sure people like you. So I did but it created a lot of pain and suffering and it made me very unhappy. Our minds are rational our inner voices are not. To live following our inner voices we have to be very strong because at the moment of having to make our decision this voice very often does not make any sense. But it always makes sense in the big picture. To me it seems like it knows the future and it definitely knows what is good for me. It is my greatest protector and it is never wrong. I want to live a life that is guided by my inner voice. I believe there is a different path for every single person on earth to walk on. Our inner voice knows that path and helps us to find and to follow it. Our minds clouded by ideas and beliefs only know the path other people have walked before us. Somebody else’s path can never be right for you or me. But even though I decided to live a life guided by my inner voice I struggle with it and sometimes fail like I did today. But every time I do I get more and more firm in my decision to trust it no matter what.

Sunset Williamsburg/Brooklyn 01-07-08 at 4:53 PM