Relaxing

Today was the first day since I came to New York almost 12 years ago that I was totally relaxed. I did not do anything besides enjoying myself. I got up late, had breakfast on the deck, played my new video game, did some sun tanning and had two of my Brooklyn roommates and my friend Marco over for dinner.

The reason why I feel so relaxed is because my life has drastically changed. I don’t feel like I owe anybody in the world anything, I have the freedom to go anywhere at any given time and the financial pressures I had in the past have disappeared. I pay very little rent and work off my gym membership and kung-fu classes by taking pictures. I live a beautiful life with a tremendous amount of freedom.

But at the moment this also feels like a strange and unknown place to be in. Most people are motivated through fear. Why does somebody get up at six o’clock in the morning to work in a job he hates? Because he is afraid that if he doesn’t he will not be able to pay his rent and end up on the street. Fear motivated me all my life to get up in the morning. Even getting up to meditate or to do yoga was connected to a fear not being good enough without doing these things.

But what happens when we are not afraid any more? Well, I can tell you what is happening to me. I sleep in. I feel like there is no reason to get up at all. Fear is not my motivator any more. What will happen now?

Inspiration will take the place of fear. When I am inspired I will do what I am inspired to do and when there is no inspiration I will relax. Now I am in the natural flow of things, now I just am.

 "Relaxing" Manhattan/New York City/ Sun Tanning On The Deck 06-19-2008 at 04:34 PM

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